soapbox

No, really, that’s all I got for now. Y’all just gonna have to deal with it.

If clarification is desired… (or here for a more legit help-page.)

Deadness: When a strikers ball hits another ball, the striker cannot use that ball until going through the next wicket. The striker is dead on the other ball, after taking the croquet shot.
Push: Keeping the mallet on the ball for an appreciable amount of time. A legal shot as long as one does not speed up the mallet during the shot.
and finally,
Zinger: A tea made with red zinger (Hibiscus flowers, rosehips, lemon grass, orange peel, natural flavors, and citric acid) which when laced with Vodka or Everclear will affect your opponents play, thereby giving you a decided edge to being able to win. This can also be done with specialty coffees, etc. A tactic not recommended for polite play.

Ok folks, here’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Well, it’s the moment you’ve been waiting for if you want to make a little bit of a fool of yourself in public.

Where: On the Green!
When: This Saturday at 3 pm
Dress code: Whites. If you don’t have an all-white outfit, just do your best. The alternative is “fancy”.

Assuming I get everything set up, we’re going to have cucumber sandwiches, petit fours, some tea, etc. If any of you want to adopt one of these items, please let me know. You’ll welcome to bring something else if you’d rather as well… just go with a snooty upper-class sort of theme. No vienna sausages.

We’re going to be playing using the American 9-wicket setup and using deadness. If you don’t know what that means, don’t worry. No one else does either. Needless to say, you also don’t need to worry about anything if you haven’t played croquet in years. We’re all at the same point.

It wouldn’t hurt to let me know if you’re coming or not.

I guess you have to do something to get ratings.

Tyra Banks proves her breasts are real.